What I Wish More People Knew Before Starting Counseling
A personal perspective on beginning counseling, holistic therapy,
and finding the right setting for care.
by Larry Lawyer
*The individual in the photo is not an actual client
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about counseling is that you need to know what’s wrong before you walk through the door.
You don’t.
In fact, a lot of people I talk to don’t know exactly what’s going on. They just know something doesn’t feel right.
Maybe you’re more frustrated than you used to be. Maybe your marriage feels different. Maybe you’re successful in a lot of areas of your life, but something still feels off. Maybe you’re having a harder time managing stress, anger, anxiety, or relationships.
Or maybe you can’t put your finger on it at all.
That’s okay.
What to Expect When Starting Counseling
You don’t need a diagnosis. You don’t need to know what kind of therapy you need. You don’t need the right words. And you certainly don’t need to have your story perfectly organized before you come talk to me.
That’s what the initial consultation is for.
When I first sit down with someone, I’m not expecting them to hand me a neat explanation of who they are, what happened to them, and what needs to change.
My first job is much simpler than that.
I want to listen and help them determine if I am the right fit or how I can help them find the right fit.
I am passionate about wanting to help people improve their mental health. I want to understand what life looks like from your perspective. I want to ask questions about what you’re experiencing now, but I also want to understand the experiences that helped shape you along the way.
Because there is often more to the story.
Understanding the Root Causes of Stress, Anger, Depression, Trauma, and Anxiety
Sometimes what looks like an anger problem isn’t really about anger. Sometimes the way we respond to our spouse has very little to do with what happened at the dinner table last night. Sometimes stress at work begins showing up in our bodies, our relationships, our sleep, or the way we respond to our children.
Our brains and bodies are constantly taking in information and responding to the world around us. And our past experiences can influence those responses more than we realize. This is relevant to anxiety, trauma and depression as well.
That’s one reason I believe so strongly in looking at the whole person: brain, body, and spirit. In psychology we call this a bio-psycho-social-spiritual perspective. It is how counselors assess clients and ourselves.
Why Holistic Therapy Might Be Right for You
I don’t believe there is one approach that works for everyone.
Two people can walk into my office describing very similar problems and need very different strategies. For one person, traditional counseling may be a good place to begin. For someone else, we may eventually determine that an approach such as EMDR or neurofeedback could be beneficial.
But I don’t start with a preconceived notion, a treatment plan or a diagnosis.
I start with the person sitting in front of me.
I want to understand what you’re experiencing, what may be contributing to it, and what you want to be different. From there, we can determine what approach makes the most sense for you.
When Should You Consider Seeing a Therapist?
I also wish more people knew that you don’t have to wait until things become unbearable to talk to someone.
You don’t need to decide whether what you’re experiencing is “serious enough” or a crisis.
If something is affecting your life, your relationships, your ability to be present, or simply the way you feel day to day, it’s worth understanding.
And asking for another perspective doesn’t mean you’ve failed to figure it out on your own.
Sometimes we are simply too close to our own experiences to see the patterns clearly.
That’s part of the work we can do together.
In-Person vs. Virtual Counseling: Which Is Right for You?
Another question I often hear is whether counseling is better in person or virtually.
The answer really depends on you.
While I do personally prefer at least the initial session in-person, I completely understand that this is not possible for everyone. Some people value sitting together in the same room and having a physical space set aside for the conversation. Others find that virtual counseling fits more naturally into their lives. It may be easier to step away from work, avoid a commute, or simply have the conversation from a place where you feel comfortable.
I don’t believe one is automatically better than the other. What matters is finding an environment where you can be present, open, and engaged in the process.
At Clarity Integrated Wellness, I offer both in-person and virtual counseling, so we can determine which option makes the most sense for you and your circumstances.
Taking the First Step Toward Counseling
It takes courage to reach out to someone you don’t know. Most of my new clients come via a personal reference. I value all references and take them very seriously. I am an advocate for all of my clients and work hard to be prepared and follow-up with each person.
I believe a therapist has to earn a client’s trust. My style is to slow things down, ask direct questions, and listen to what’s happening beneath the proverbial surface, specifically listening for pattern recognition. I look to collaborate, attune, and empathize.
You don’t have to know exactly what’s wrong before you reach out.
You can simply start with:
“Something doesn’t feel right.”
We can begin there.
If you’ve been wondering whether counseling might be helpful, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me. There’s no pressure to have anything figured out beforehand. We will work together to determine the best path forward for you.
Give me a call and let’s visit.